Monday, May 07, 2007
Flashback: June 2003. The Start of Something Big
The date was June 4 and I was in South Bend. Sitting in John's VW, eating double cheeseburgers just before I was to start my new ambition of coasting across the world and living hand to mouth on odd jobs and the charity of friends and well wishers. Being as cheap as possible, I found myself flying out of New York and taking a 24 hour train across the midwest and northeast of the country to get there. Standing at that rundown station, in a not so nice part of the down at heel city - there were lots of feelings running through me. Feelings I wasn't ready to accept yet. It was the end of a lot of things - a difficult relationship with John, the boyfriend of 3+ years that I was about to leave for this dream, a very poor professional situation that was on its way to bankrupting me, a general feeling of malaise and being in a rut, and a feeling of comfortability.
It was the start of a lot of things too. My new career of travel was definitely one, which would soon founder along with my confidence. My love affair with simplicity in life (which I would grow again to hate, and then love again) started that week too. I was off to find a life, find a self-confidence and self-motivation. I was ready to get things started!
I was conflicted that day. Leaving my entire life behind. My material goods mostly stuffed in my old childhood bedroom, the boyfriend I'd grown to love despite all of our relationship's failings, my career - however shitty. I felt like I was at the start of big opportunities... and big mistakes. Turns out I was right on both counts.
The train pulled away from the station, my point of no return reached. I shed a tear, sat in my seat - and watched the miles start to fly by, not knowing what the future holds. I was a little sad. I was a little excited - but mostly ready to get moving and take whatever life had to offer.
The date was June 4 and I was in South Bend. Sitting in John's VW, eating double cheeseburgers just before I was to start my new ambition of coasting across the world and living hand to mouth on odd jobs and the charity of friends and well wishers. Being as cheap as possible, I found myself flying out of New York and taking a 24 hour train across the midwest and northeast of the country to get there. Standing at that rundown station, in a not so nice part of the down at heel city - there were lots of feelings running through me. Feelings I wasn't ready to accept yet. It was the end of a lot of things - a difficult relationship with John, the boyfriend of 3+ years that I was about to leave for this dream, a very poor professional situation that was on its way to bankrupting me, a general feeling of malaise and being in a rut, and a feeling of comfortability.
It was the start of a lot of things too. My new career of travel was definitely one, which would soon founder along with my confidence. My love affair with simplicity in life (which I would grow again to hate, and then love again) started that week too. I was off to find a life, find a self-confidence and self-motivation. I was ready to get things started!
I was conflicted that day. Leaving my entire life behind. My material goods mostly stuffed in my old childhood bedroom, the boyfriend I'd grown to love despite all of our relationship's failings, my career - however shitty. I felt like I was at the start of big opportunities... and big mistakes. Turns out I was right on both counts.
The train pulled away from the station, my point of no return reached. I shed a tear, sat in my seat - and watched the miles start to fly by, not knowing what the future holds. I was a little sad. I was a little excited - but mostly ready to get moving and take whatever life had to offer.
Labels: flashback, navelgazing, trains, travel
Roger, 8:06 PM
